An Open Letter To Those Born After 1982 (Or The One Thing Your Parents Got Right)

Here’s the deal.

Your stepdad, stepmom, guardian, caregiver or actual biological parent screwed up.

Oh, they meant well, but they got it wrong.

Not on purpose.

But because they didn’t understand.

They filled your head with what ended up being lies and now you are walking around somewhat confused. Your instincts are saying one thing but the voices your parents put in your head are saying something else.

Let me clear it up for you.

The only thing your parents got right was multiculturalism.

Everything else is questionable.

Here’s the skinny, (stop looking at me funny, it’s an old phrase),

The Tests Don’t Matter

In school they bombarded you with a bunch of test.

Made sure you did well on them.


Test don’t mean shit. There is nobody keeping score in the real world, except you.

The only ability you need after middle school is the ability to learn. Quickly.

Things are changing too fast for you to remember them.

We have computers and Google for that.

Corporations Don’t Matter

I’m sure your caregiver wants or wanted you to get a good job at a big corporation with tons of benefits.

Wrong move.

The bigger the company the faster they fail and the harder it is to stop their failure.

You want to go small where you can be important faster and have a say when things need to change.Fast.


If a company is giving great benefits they probably won’t be around too long. I know you’ve been coddled all your life but you gotta take care of yourself.

Don’t take a job for it’s medical plan. Take a job because of your future plan.

You are not your fucking khakis.

Your mom made money so she could move you to a better neighborhood and buy a SUV. But take a look around. Status symbols are bullshit.

You are not your zipcode.

You are not the car your stepdad drives.

Everybody can afford everything anyway. Poor kids in the projects are sporting Lexus’ and Vendi. If your judging yourself by the stuff you got you are sure to get fucked.

Country doesn’t matter.

I know we’re at war but the world is fucking flat. A Jew hating redneck who lives next door is just that, a Jew hating redneck who lives next door. You probably have more in common with a skateboard riding, hip hop listening kid who lives in India.

It’s the values that are important, not the land.

Things really are different.

Like the folks who got all freaked as we moved from an agricultural to an industrial economy some parents are freaked and still teaching kids the importance of tractors.

Be polite, nod respectfully, but pack your bags and move into the city as fast as you can.


3 thoughts on “An Open Letter To Those Born After 1982 (Or The One Thing Your Parents Got Right)

  1. Not especially clever or original, really. Not especially correct, either – the author is intelligent, apparently, for people of a lower stratum of consciousness of the human ability. He is still locked down by his own notions of what is right and wrong, and so to those who are more aware, his tirade, while admirable for its passion, is also laughable for is earnest incorrectness.

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