In a recent episode of South Park, Stan could not understand why Token is upset at him despite doing all he can to understand it from his point of view. The point was, he could never exactly get a good idea of why Token was upset because he can never live through his experiences to “get it”. It’s interesting because there are people who can get jokes, some people say British people can only get “British humour” or others cannot understand a point of view due to bias or inherent lack of understanding.
So this brings me to a recent discussion with some friends. After having some thoughts dwell on my mind for nearly a year and learning of certain developments from that time from a few friends and acquaintances, I felt it was time I discussed the keys issues that were shaping everything during that period. What I had written was what I felt had happened during that time from a combination of events, individuals, institutions, and places. I figured that I may as well just lay it all out since I am constantly faced with physical reminders and occasional encounters of my emotional rape when I commute to work and leave for home. With that in mind, I finally wrote down what had been creeping in my mind for months and refreshed with every waking day I travel to work.
It is easy to say that all we need to do is to move on from such events to get better, but is it really that easy if one is constantly exposed to physical and real reminders of those events? It’s true that others can move on from me because they will never see me in person or deal with any relics that may remind them of me, but it’s different when I see things and people that are linked to those individuals and events. A random encounter here, a random visit to a personal webpage here, a building here, an email there, a phone call here, a song over there, and an organisation here can trigger a flood of reminders.
I actually thought I could confide in some of these feelings to people whom I thought could understand and provide advice to the situation. One friend has told me that despite the grudges and nonsense that I should remain strong and not avoid it for the sake of avoiding it. He added that I needed to keep a safe distance so I will not let these things consume me, which is a constant struggle to prevent such traumas from creeping into my mind. He made the point that a smile, even if it’s fake, will not hurt anyone and to smile even to those that have harmed me or to those I dislike.
Another friend had simply dismissed my account as off-base and delusional and wondered if I was joking. I wondered if he had read the entire account before making such comments or if he was an active reader giving feedback as he read along. He did understand one level to the cause of the problems and added that I just need to move on like the others. I welcome my friends’ feedback and it reflects their life experiences to a large extent.
One friend has had experiences that mirrored my own while the other is partly biased due to some involvement in the events I discussed and he has a different set of experiences. This is also why it is important to get a variety of opinions from others to get views from different perspectives. In this case, I got advice from two extreme points of views. The point of this account is to to point out people’s views: some people will “get it” due to shared experiences and then there are people who will never “get it” due to bias or different life experiences. As to the past trauma, the I’m still working on getting myself back into shape.