I simply don’t care.

Despite having a great weekend out with Willmon and Jehangir, and getting that Bonus at work today, I am feeling down since Monday.  I am not sure if it is the fact that I will need to remain stuck in my position for another 2 years to be debt free or something else.  There are people that tell me to not pay off my debt so soon, however it looks like I will clearly have less money spent on interest if I make larger payments far ahead of schedule.

This means I am going to be stuck in NJ, with a position where I am at the glass ceiling in 2 years at an office that is 5 mins away from everything that could remind me of my mixed experiences at Rutgers.  Earlier today, I see that Facebook will always trigger reminders of individuals who I want to distance myself from that are suddenly becoming more prominent and showing up on every mini-feed when I log on.  Those individuals are either downgraded or simply removed.

Now I start to question why I am feeling so gloomy when I should be feeling content, in light of last week’s developments and today’s bonus.  My circle of friends seem to be compartmentalised based on my varying interests in that they will not exactly fit in with each other if they all gather to socialise   I originally thought that have friends of varying interest would be good as it seems, but in reality it just created a series of weak friendships as I am not really dedicating myself to one group in particular.  Plus, I also show a different part of my personality to them.  There are a few groups that think I am crazy and spend all my time at the office in facebook, others consider me good company for a wild night out in town, some for advice, and others for strong friendship and fun.

While it’s true that one ought to have a diverse group of friends that can serve as good influences, it would be best for me to remain with the group that I feel is diverse yet one I can relate to at the same time.  There is regret for not spending or befriending most of the honours group on the Easton 6th floor, but they are the group I can relate best.  Each person has different interests but are bound by common traits and loyalty to one another.  Its not a ideal to remain friends with people who will always put you down regardless of what has transpired or those that will see less regardless of the changes made.  Its possible that a disconnect can make these misconceptions worse, but I just don’t care anymore.

I actually went to the gym today and took a long nap when I made it home after dinner.


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