‘ER,’ ‘Chicago Hope’ can’t hold a stethoscope to Heisei’s hubba-hubba hospitals

‘ER,’ ‘Chicago Hope’ can’t hold a stethoscope to Heisei’s hubba-hubba hospitals
Shukan Taishu (11/26)

“When he starts to rub my back or shoulders, I shudder in expectation of pleasure,” relates Akina Yoshizawa, a 31-year-old professional nurse. Once a month Ms. Yoshizawa checks into a city hotel and arranges for a young hunk to visit her room to dispense a three hour-long therapy session.

“I’ve got a boyfriend, but he’s not enough to satisfy me,” she adds in way of explanation. Then, after a suitably long interlude of foreplay — during which his hands stray over every spot on her body — she’ll demand, “Okay, that’s enough. Stick it in.” And he’ll willingly oblige.

If you can believe it, 100 of these “Nightingales of the Heisei Era,” agreed to share accounts of their most intimate activities with Shukan Taishu (11/26).

What the magazine’s leering male readers really want to know is: do any of Japan’s angels in white ever engage in sex on the hospital premises?

It does happen, admitted 12 percent — as opposed to the 63 percent who replied “no way.” Interestingly, another 19 percent voiced a cryptically Clintonesque “other” as their reply. But come on, no fudging permitted: Was it sex, or wasn’t it?

Shukan Taishu chooses to interpret the noncommittal reply as being a yes. Which, extrapolating the data, means that one out of three nurses in Japan has, at one time or another, done some sort of dirty deed on the hospital premises, either with a physician, other staff member or patient.

“The first three years are always the hardest for a new nurse,” says Yoshiko Kagawa, who is 26. “You have to learn a ton of new stuff every day, and you can’t perform as well as senior staff. It’s hard on you psychologically.”

According to Kagawa, young nurses are particularly vulnerable to seduction by doctors while in their first year on the job. When she was still in her freshman year, she befriended a 34-year-old physician at the ward where she was assigned. The two constantly tiptoed off to the recuperation room, the rehabilitation therapy room, the linen storeroom, and anywhere else they could find privacy for their tempestuous trysts.

“We also used the outpatient surgery room,” she giggles. “Late at night any emergency cases were treated in the ICU, so the surgery was always empty. We’d lie down on the operating table and he would turn on the rotor and rub it against my clitoris. Or he’d moisten a cotton swab and insert it into my urethra. It drove me so wild, I lost control and wet myself,” she blushes.

“The sensei really smirked when he saw that — I tell you, some doctors are really flaky. Sometimes he’d use a speculum on me too. I got the feeling he was just toying with me. We broke up not long after that…”

Based on the above, it’s hardly surprising that of the 31 nurses who gave responses other than “no,” 17 were under age 24 at the moment of truth and six were aged 25-29. The figure dropped off after age 30 and then inexplicably picked up again after age 35.

How’s that? Well, it seems that once past this age, senior nurses are more likely to have access to the head physician’s private office, particularly when he’s out making calls. This affords them with extra privacy to indulge in their libidinous impulses.

Of course what readers REALLY want to know is, do admitted patients ever get lucky?

Well, it’s been known to happen.

Last winter Hitomi Yasunaga, a 23-year-old nurse at an orthopedic hospital, was helping a 28-year-old skier with a fractured leg limp to the loo, when, she confesses, “I did something I wasn’t supposed to.” Pressed for details, she relays this account.

“There weren’t enough male nurses available. Anyway, I was on night duty when I was buzzed, and he told me he had to pee.”

One job nurses must do, it seems, is pull down an incapacitated male patient’s PJs and aim his willie while he takes a whizz.

“He was really nervous and he couldn’t urinate at first,” she relates. “And while I held it there, it started getting bigger. And harder.”

Their eyes met and they giggled in mutual embarrassment. “And then nature took its course and I started, um, manipulating his thing,” blushes Yasunaga.

As it turned out, before the patient produced his urine specimen he secreted another, stickier substance.

After the patient’s discharge — not that one, I mean the one from the hospital — Yasunaga dated him once, but the magic of the moment had worn off.

“In a business suit he just wasn’t as cute as he was wearing pajamas,” she says. “We had sex on the date, but things didn’t click. We never saw each other again.” (By Masuo Kamiyama, contributing writer)

Heeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Hello, Nurse!!!

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