You reap what you sow: the greed of an archetypal Lehman douche
Date: 2008-09-16, 5:57PM EDT
Most of you deserve this, you really, truly do. You chose this road because it was easy and because you’re stupid. This was and is the best you’ll ever do. You know who I’m talking about. I’m pointing the finger at you, you and you. And especially you. To all the overtanned Jersey douchebags with steroid addictions, to the smug Ivy League grads with dads in high places, to the good looking brain dead women that eschew Anne Taylor Loft for sales rack Brooks Brothers, and to the upwardly mobile black girls with fake hair and inappropriate-for-work Joyce Leslie outfits. Actually, scratch that. The black girls can stay.
Fuck all of you. You brought this upon yourselves. Your Alpha male bullshit begat this greed, your vile existence is truly at the core of this collapse. For all the times you and your drunk cronies threw up on the street outside Pacha, for all the times you made a scene on the 3:51 LIRR train to Babylon, for all the times you stood on the Path train, or the 6, iPod in hand, desperately trying not to touch anyone. You had it coming.
Is there some kind of code that says you MUST wear a blue shirt? Or is that some kind of unspoken bro ethos? Like, if you’re the dude in the white button down in Bryant Park, is no one gonna blow you? Or is conforming just that much easier, is conformity just a part of your DNA? Is that really the true reason why you’re so universally loathsome to anyone that’s not a part of that vile world?
Before the Bubble O’ Bullshit burst, you would laugh at me. You were the douche bags that felt superior, the ones who turned up their nose at their working-class roots, the ones who scoffed at their peers who worked at the Local Union. You were the ones who laughed at those that worked at non-profits and LIKED IT. “Art History? What are you going to do with a major in Art History?” Yeah, your finance major got you real fucking far. Maybe after this ship sails you’ll realize that aside from your rape trial, college didn’t teach you much of anything. Sorry bro, but in the real world, you can’t walk down the street, lacrosse stick in hand, and just get respect.
I hope that with this smashup comes your own social foreclosure. I hope all those dudes from my high school — you know who I’m talking about — the ones that never got good grades, the ones that never knew how to act like decent human beings, the date rapists, the juicers, the guidos, the Quinnipiac or Iona grads that never should have graduated yet somehow landed cushy Wall Street jobs — receive the guerdon from the gods . I hope you’re evicted from your Upper East Side apartment, I hope your Denali gets repoed, I hope you can’t afford your bullshit Murray Hill lifestyle. I hope you truly get your comeuppance. Because it’s well fucking deserved and the Universe knows it. And what about me, you ask?
I’m laughing all the way to the nonexistent bank.
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
The word bankster was once a depression-era term referring to a predatory element within the financial services industry, such as those offering “too good to be true” adjustable mortgage rates for home buyers, getting undeserved bonuses, creating complex financial instruments that hold no real value or commit large-scale fraud.
I post that craigslist entry because it’s just too funny and almost reminds me of my days at the Rutgers Business School undergraduate programme. Unlike other undergrad business programmes, the Rutgers Business School crams about 4 years worth of business schooling into 2 years to mirror the MBA programme.
The thing about the business school was that a good number of our finance majors were in fact cheaters. Some of them would store finance equations on their graphing calculators, some would find the means to purchase a teacher’s edition of their textbooks along with the exam guides, while a few would try to set their classmates up for for failure to weed out the competition. Those who tried to speak out were silenced and professors who tried to investigate allegations of cheating go nowhere because these kids destroyed the evidence.
It’s funny that many of these finance majors would eventually land cushy jobs as investment bankers, analysts, managers or financial advisers simply by lying, charming and cheating their way to success.
Here’s something a former Rutgers Business School student wrote about his classmates:
There was something I remembered the first day of business school when I was getting to know my classmates. It was before class and we introduced ourselves; but he stopped talking to me once he found out my GPA was a 3.47. This fucker even went the extra mile by telling some of my friends in the b-school behind my back that we was “mad stupid” and “not a good guy”. I mean, seriously, what the fuck is this shit? What is even worse is that this prick leeches off other people’s work and takes credit for it. I know that cutthroat punks exist in general, and I am under the impression that they all go to the business school.
Not only are there cutthroat leeches, there are also ass-kissers. Some of these people may have been doing it all their lives and feel there is nothing wrong with it. They think that ass-kissing will payoff and bring them great things. In the business school, they might suck up to the professor to get exempt from an exam or a job recommendation, or they may suck-up to fellow students to get votes to become a club officer or to use them. In short, in the business school, your peers will lie, cheat, and steal in the name of good grades and contacts while repeatedly fucking you over in the process. It will become extremely difficult to have friends you can actually trust if you choose to go to the business school.
In some way I can relate to what the guy on craigslist was talking about. Many of these RBS alumni did not really deserve the high-flying jobs they secured and many of them had bad habits that would naturally cause massive damage in Wall St. and the rest of the global economy. What these banksters did was scam the vast majority of the population to overconsume and avoid saving while depending on low interest rates to fuel their debt-based spending. In the end, these clowns were not only able to convince businesses to start giving out huge loans to dangerously unqualified individuals and then spread all the risk out to others so they would never suffer the consequences, they also managed to dupe everyone into believing the hype that all these “good times last forever”.
So kudos to some of my RBS alums for cheating and charming their way to the top with almost no substance or moral fiber. Kudos to those whose undeserved success is crumbling around them as the world responds to their excesses. And most of all, kudos for being brought down to reality, where people actually go about their lives producing something of value and save to create wealth with dignity and through their own merits. All you business school cheats turned banksters have earned the right to be ruined by the financial crisis.