Musings on why I hate Hipsters and what they can do about it if they care

Musings on why I hate Hipsters and what they can do about it if they care

A friend wrote the following based on the recent New York Times article and related blogs dealing with the impact of the Great Recession on hipsters in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NYC:

I was going to make this a response to [my friend’s] excellent update on the financial happenings of hipsters. But instead, I’ve decided to vent my spleen here. I hope you enjoy it and feel free to respond.

Hipsters……oh Hipsters…..how I hate thee! Let me list the ways:
A. Conformity. Every hipster seems to look the same. Crappy clothes (that aren’t actually crappy they just are styled that way), chuck taylor shoes, clove cigarettes, etc. etc. I believe they called it Derelicte in Zoolander—homeless chic.
B. Cheapening anything of value. They search for the authentic and then when they think they’ve found the authentic they cheapen it by making it into a style that they desire to globalize. This is not unlike their wealthy Daddies with their Italian fashions and imported cars. Or their unemployed mommies trying to save some piece of the rainforest, doing yoga, and having the Dali Lama on their shelf.
C. An insult to the working class. Their drink is Pabst Blue Ribbon, yet so many of their parents and admitted futures are with management or “designer wall paper”—whatever the fuck that is. You ask them to work an 8 hour day and they leave in a huff. “I am too good for the 8 hour day.” Good enough to drink the working man’s beer but not good enough to do the workings man job. Scuttle off “puss-cakes,” as Clint Eastwood would say.
D. Handlebar moustaches. Shave that shit off. This isn’t the 1890s.
E. “Avant garde” bullshit sessions at the local coffee house don’t make you an intellectual. I am not saying you need to go to college to be smart, though it does help. Reading and *thinking* about what you just read is far more enlightening than sitting around a hookah talking about what you’ve read without actually understanding its meaning. Reading widely and making intelligent, thoughtful conversation beats any new fix you can make on Noam Chomsky. All the fixes have been made kid.
F. Arrogance. Just because you’re from NYC or Brooklyn doesn’t make you special. I’ve been around both for quite a time. And, considering the experiences of my own travel, they aren’t special. You think NYC is the world? Dip yourself into Hong Kong. You’ll feel like the bumpkins you make fun of except you’ll lack their tact, grace, or taste.
G. G stands for Get a fucking job! Deliver pizzas, wait tables, work as a mechanic, do something with your life other than live off of mommy and daddy’s wallet. Part of the reason you have no self-respect and must act arrogant and fake is because you’ve never worked a day in your life. Work! Even if it doesn’t cover the bills entirely. You might actually learn something about people beyond your tight little cohort.

How to Stop Being a Hipster and Get Real:
1. Shave and start taking care of yourself. Look the part of a decent, normal human being. Stop trying to be an artist if you’re not one. The Bohemian life is for people of true talent. If you’re a hipster you probably don’t have any.
2. Stop trying to make statements. Be your own person. Don’t be derelicte unless you think there is some value to it, which I think if you asked a real homeless person they’d say, “Shiiiit If I had the money you had I’d buy myself a nice coat and some nice clothes. I wouldn’t dress like this.”
3. If you feel guilty about your money, stop. You want to help laboring folk out? Ask your Daddy if there is another way that he could save those 20 jobs he has to cut. Don’t drink PBR and think, “I am so pro-Union.”
4. Contribute something to society.
5. Spend time with books and old people. Both will fill you with more wisdom than all the late night jam sessions at Hal’s coffee shop you can have in one lifetime.
6. Learn to enjoy the simple things in life. But don’t overdo it.
7. Have an interior life. That’s where those simple joys should go.

Finally, get the fuck off my lawn.

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32 thoughts on “Musings on why I hate Hipsters and what they can do about it if they care

    1. dude. fuck you. shit fucking shit head. he’s right. hipsters fucking suck. im glad orange county isnt entirely polluted with em yet. its getting close in the rich south OC, but all good up here. fucking douche hipsters.

      Fences played with Against Me! some douche hipster was kicking people while crowd surfing. fucked him up because of that and his faggoty ass little jedi-looking ponytail he had going on.

    2. yes. I detected rage. It’s almost written from the point of view of a self-hating hipster. Weird.

  1. What is going on with this guys? They’re so “going back for something that remembers my childhood”… Nahhh! Look forward dudes! Grow up! We need you to change this world, not to echoe the 80’s!

    Excellent descrpition, sad reallity.

  2. “Don’t be derelicte” Indicates a lack of understanding of the homeless population, the poster is making an assumption. I know this because I was homeless and previously worked at a homeless shelter. Homeless shelters provides free clothing in addition to resources that most people and many indigent don’t have access to or are unaware of, meaning they typically don’t “look homelesss”. The majority of the homeless population wore clothes that wouldn’t indicate in the least that they were homeless and often they look like a blue-collar worker or a gangster.
    I hate hipsters too, I agree with the post. However it is difficult to hate something without being hypocritcal. Which is precisely why we all hate hipsters, because they defile the mainstream for their judgment and unthinking conformity and then participate in the very same acts. They fell superior to the rest when they look down upon the rest and many do the same when we look down upon them. I wonder what the obsession with superiority is, it certainly doesn’t make anyone happier.

    1. I think the point was to make that hipsters appropriated the lack of fashion sense and attempts to look homeless without appreciating let alone understand the plight of real poor and working class people.

  3. While your going off flaunting your pseudo intellectual bullshit about a group that consists of harmless vegans and fashion enthusiasts, Guidos are fucking your mom and thugs are taking away your job possibilities while still fucking your mom.

    Not a hipster, just an average joe who finds these hipster hate blogs ridiculous when there’s worse things out there that your too afraid to criticize because you don’t want to get punched. Pick on someone with actual threat value, or your just as dumb as the world.

    1. Haha. Did I hurt your vegan, fusion, ironic hipster feelings? Seriously go home and find real work. Please dickwad, don’t rip on guidos or real thugs unless you want your tight bluejean, vintage bike-riding ass stomped by locals. Oh the irony…

  4. Haha, again, not hipster, just a hard working average joe. I dress pretty casual, and my feelings are kept to myself and my associates. Also, as for my locals, most of the thugs in my neighborhood actually wear tight blue jeans, Guidos and Thugs alike, so they are the ones who would take greater offense to that comment.

    Also, I find your white knighting of these subcultures to be quite disturbing. It leads me to believe that you are a either A) a Guido, B) a Thug with a working computer, or C) an American gang life enthusiast who probably wikis all he can about them, lets quite a few of them call them a nickname and laugh at your “up to date” way of living and spends his afternoons looking at his frail arms praying your valiant mates are stomping all your hipster enemies.

    Honestly, just help me understand why you waste time hating on an almost completely invisible sub-culture when there is rich white old men locking Tai imports in their basements and Haitians children are enslaved in households. If it’s because you secretly find hipster girls hot and they reject you, please leave all your cards on the table.

  5. Oh, I see you deleted my comment. Way to end it all. Alright, I’ll stop picking on your blog if you are not even up for the steady argument.

    1. Please stop whining about being censored. This blog is moderated so spammers and trolls dont flood the posts with asinine comments. If you really hate thugs then either move out or call the cops. Stop bitching about something thats prefectly under control.

      You hipsters are just hilarious. It’s too bad you’re too retarded to move into parts of Brooklyn you know nothing about.

  6. Oh come on, you completely missed the point. Now your beating around the bush. Just give up, bro. I’m not even a hipster, and the rough faces in my neighborhood where tight jeans, and you can not find a reason to defend your points without goggling popular hipster insults.

  7. The great recession is hurting hipsters? Didn’t realize they were so adversely affected by the cutting back of those 12 hours/week bartending/busboy hours to 8.

  8. Sounds like someone is a little jealous… you secretly want to live this life style so badly but you can’t, for whatever reason, so you dump on them. Why do you care how they choose to live their lives? Smoking cloves and drinking shitty, over priced coffee… big deal! Does this ruin your day some how? Just be thankful you get to wake up everyday, have a job and a place to call home!

    How about you put some of your extra anger and energy into curing cancer or something useful like that. Oh that is right, you’re too busy playing lifestyle police on the internet. /b/

    1. No, I am not jealous at your lifestyle of being dependent on parents or old money family ties for money. Talking about people who annoy me like yourself is a way to humour myself and others in my spare time. Only a hipster like yourself would fail to see that.

  9. I don’t claim to be a hipster at all, and don’t really think I fit into one genre. That being said, most hipsters will not claim to be hipsters, as it’s become a derogatory term. As this style has grown to encompass most young people, we probably all have a little bit of hipster in us. I don’t have a problem with independent life styles, various senses of fashion and pursuing your artistic inclinations. However, I DO have a problem when such people look down on me for not being up to date on the latest music, for not being “hip” enough, for drinking a beer that might cost more than $2, for wearing professional clothes to work. People like this have really isolated themselves. For a group that prides itself on being so unique, they have succeeded in following each other, which is why the hipster movements and style is no longer bohemian, but mainstream. Also, I’ve traveled a lot, worked with underserved populations and have friends with varying interests. The hipster crowd cares nothing about social movements, but yet they’ve created a self involved and isolating world more concerned with image than with really improving the world. The hippies of the ’60 had it right, but the modern day hipster is just an egotistical slug. I don’t want to generalize, because I have some “hipster” friends, and as individuals they’re usually great people, but as a crowd they truly scare me.

  10. Thank you for this. Hopefully there will be a day when unitards and handbar mustaches are burned in giant piles in the streets.

  11. Simply put, if you were at all offended, miffed, off put, or disgruntled in any way by this post, you are a hipster. Therefore, your agruments are invalid here, or anywhere else, becasue..CORRECT! You are a hipster!

    Now die already, you drain of social security.

  12. Hey man, I hope you don’t act hateful towards any hipsters you see, it would be like discriminating towards gays or Jews. Why should it bother you anyway? No one is hurting you. So chill your dick. It doesn’t look good to be angry, and if you show them you’re angry, it won’t change anything. All you really did was make yourself look like an idiot. No offense, mate.

    1. Stop equating hipsters to Jews and homosexuals. That is just antisemitic and homophobic. Hipsters destroy traditional neighbourhoods and raise the cost of living around the area. Most of all, they add very little substance to the communities they inhabit.

  13. I’m so fucking sick of your shitty pretentious feel nothing look at me music poisoning the airwaves. The things you do and call “art” would get any normal person locked in a psych ward. I don’t know where you learned this idiotic and disturbed behavior from, but you make me fear to have children. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9lmvX00TLY&feature=player_profilepage. You are not elite. You are not creative. You most certainly not authentic with your stupid not prescription glasses. Go cut your fucking long short bangs. You look like a bunch of homeless drunks who decided to go ape shit with child proof scissors and crazy glue. You are just a circle of mindless, jobless, leach of society drones who contribute nothing but gentrification to this world. Every body in the real world fucking hates you pieces of shit. Go back to Ohio you fucking piece of shit losers.

  14. Dearest “non-hipster” hipster fucks,
    I’m so fucking sick of your shitty pretentious feel nothing “look at me” music poisoning the airwaves. The things you do and call “art” would get any normal person locked in a psych ward. People take pictures of you to laugh, not because you are trendy. I don’t know where you learned this idiotic and disturbed behavior from, but you make me fear to have children. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9lmvX00TLY&feature=player_profilepage. You are not elite. You are not creative. You most certainly are not authentic with your stupid not prescription glasses. Go cut your fucking long short bangs. You look like a bunch of homeless drunks who decided to go ape shit with child proof scissors and crazy glue. Get over yourself. You are just a circle of mindless, jobless, leach of society drones who contribute nothing but gentrification to this world. Every body in the real world fucking hates you pieces of shit. Go back to Ohio you fucking piece of shit losers. No body wants you, anywhere.

  15. Everyone who is fighting are fucking retards. If you don’t like the post, why did you read it. You obviously knew what this was about hense the title. I honestly hate wanna be hipsters… the ones that try to hard. If your defending hipsters why the hell would you bother reading this if its just gonna piss you off. So anyone that has a problem with this posts title and still read it can go get themselves hit with a fixie or schwinn. Dumbasses.

  16. Most (not all) hipsters have an elitist attitude, which is hypocritical, given how often they bitch about being judged. If you don’t want to be judged, join a sub-culture that actually follows that. Be a raver or something. The thing I take issue with most is their feminization of males. Call me old school, but men were given more muscles and testosterone and balls for something, and women were given boobs and hips for another. I think gender roles are natural. It’s not some kind of hard and fast rule (don’t get me wrong, I’m not really sexist), but I see it as more of a role for the majority of people to aspire to. Hipsters seem to think girly men are superior in some way, and that rubs me wrong.

    As for the guidos – god do I ever hate them. Don’t even get me started. If I ever ran into the guys from Jersey Shore I’d trash them all at once for their glorification of that bullshit. Heheh I’m a bit of a thug, not so much in their culture, I can just really handle myself. Gangsters? I knew some. Feel sorry for them mostly. Most won’t live good lives. And they really don’t fuck with you if you know how to handle yourself, don’t get involved in shit, and show them respect. If you can manage that, they will show you respect. Gangster wannabes are just idiots, don’t even want to waste my breath on them.

  17. So basically, a hipster is simply a general fashion style that doesn’t fit into what most people wear if they shop at the mall. So what are you if you are not a hipster? a businessman? a bro? a goth? i dont understand what profound insights these consumerist people have that are so much better than a hipsters. are they contributing so much to society that hipsters are dampening? if hipster is just a fashion sense then surely lady gaga and Rihanna are hipsters, and what is that saying about the people who listen to them. Hating on hipsters is suggesting that people that aren’t hipsters have a much more creative original and profound effect on life and culture than a hipster does and frankly a fashion sense doesn’t say much about a persons intellect. in order to move foreword all people need to be less of a consumerist for the sake of the environment and the economy and only a few stereotypes in todays culture support that belief. So if a hipster is attempting one of them, well at least they stand for something. and to waste your time dissing on a stereotype that most people have little knowledge about means that you are quite uncomfortable with who you are.

  18. yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyoooooooooo suckers there is noting wrong wit being hipster its cool coz u got trendy stuff n u stand out

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