By Right-Wing Larry
As you may have known, the Liberal Rutgers University has disbanded an infamous file-sharing network. Why is such a seemingly harmless file-sharing network being destroyed? The answer, you simplistic terrorist-sympathizing liberals, is that not only can these file-sharing programs allow local welfare cheats, bums and pacifists to share liberal, drug-fueled, blasphemous music over the internet such as the Beatles and Johnny Cash; it is also used by Al-Qaeda and their supporters such as the Democratic Party to channel sensitive information and terrorist plans amongst themselves. What is even worse is that these file-sharing programs are used to share pornography, which is an affront to our only true Christian God, promotes pagan values, and attacks our great Western Civilization.
What is so wrong with sharing files among friends? Well, for one thing you misguided liberal idiot, those artists and filmmakers worked hard to produce the trash that you idiots download. Hey liberal bitches, they worked hard, they deserved their tax rebate, why support bums and dirty terrorists by file sharing? Too bad those idiot Democrats do not care about the dangers of file sharing and are being Un-American by not supporting the Patriotic PATRIOT ACT. Besides, the Democratic Party does not listen to Asians or Whites; they only care about liberals, Blacks, Mexicans, Iraqis, bums, hippies, and terrorists. Nevertheless, enough about the stupid Democrats and let’s talk about a true patriot.
The Patriot I am referring about is not our Blessed Commander-in-Chief George Walker Bush, who will be reelected and capture Osama Bin Laden, but a great man as discussed by the Great Daily Targum who wished to preserve his right conservative views in our ignorant, liberal university. As a dedicated college Republican, my hero was first alarmed that such a file-sharing network existed and attempted to reason with the network hosts to stop this blatant violation of our PATRIOT ACT and the spread of pagan values to our fellow Christians. However, the ultra-liberal network hosts repeatedly rejected his pleas and he was even banned from participating in the network, so much for reason and a fair and balanced file-sharing network.
In response for being banned from the network and the failure of Rutgers to enforce the PATRIOT ACT on the university network, our hero did what was only right: he reported this terrorist file-sharing network to the proper authorities and ended their satanic orgy of file-sharing. His act of Patriotism not only destroyed this potentially devastating network if it fell on to terrorist hands, he also ended the mindless proliferation of Satanic music and Un-Christian pornography trading as well. The destruction of Optimus Prime was a great act of true American courage that we have not seen since we have liberated Iraq and I am sure that our Christian God, our only God (to all pagans, please convert or you will go to Hell) will bless his True American soul for this act. Moreover, I am sure “Geo” will truly get the appreciation and love he deserves from his fellow Christian Americans.
So that is the True Patriot, I wish to praise in this week’s opinions page. Before I go, I wish to say the following: Down with the limousine liberals like Kennedy and Kerry! To idiot Democrats, come to the true, divine side of America, the Republican Party; only tax cuts will fuel the economic growth needed to create jobs and the economy for our American Empire!
VOTE BUSH-CHENEY ’04! A VOTE FOR BUSH IS A VOTE FOR GOD!