[A creative writing piece]
Hey There! This is Kenny, also known as Willieburg’s best known DJ/producer/artist/photog/liveblogger/singer-songwriter. You gotta admit Brooklyn is one of the coolest places in the world next to Japan. I mean, it’s totally open, rootless, and full of adventure unlike that podunk suburb that I grew up in over around Michigan or something. It’s totally corporate and lame compared to the gnarly chicks, fusion restaurants, and retro trends all over Brooklyn. All people ever care about in Michigan are gas-guzzling anti-environmental cars, eating bbq beef that harms our carbon emissions, and these people never even heard of Rosa Luxemburg! How lame is that?
So where was I? I was liveblogging about how awesome it is living in Williamsburg. You see unlike those midtown drones that have to wake up everyday at 5 in the morning to commute and drone for that corporate machine, I can wake up whenever I feel like it. Whether I had a night out drinking glasses of soy milk-vodka bombs, or live tweeting the American Apparel-themed loft party at Zero’s place, I really don’t need to get all worked up about taking the lame 4, 5, 6 or the uncool A, C, E trains to work for losers. Oh and by the way, the coolest trains running in New York are the L-train, ’cause it goes through Williamsburg and Union Square (which is the only coolest place in Manhattan if a place existed); and the G-train since that’s the only train that never touches any part of the phony, superficial island called Manhattan. So anyway, I don’t have to worry about stressing over a lame commute and enjoy whatever adventures the night beckons on me.
I am still smashed from those glasses of soy milk-vodka cocktails at that fusion vegan restaurant. What do I do now? It’s only two days away before I call my parents to get me some support money until I get my big break as a DJ/producer/artist/photog/liveblogger/singer-songwriter. It’s really tough getting money to do fun stuff when my parents are always complaining about the economy and their just-over-broke jobs. But I did my part by buying that Obama “Change” t-shirt from Urban Outfitters and Obama is doing awesome in my book. The only loony thing I could do to get some extra change is to work 8-hours on random days serving Fair Trade coffee to strangers in a cafe. That is just insane? Who in their right minds would want to slave away 8 hours in a random week for strangers can get Fair Trade coffee? I worked too hard as a free spirit to get shacked into being a corporate slave. Some of my roommies weren’t so lucky; Skadoo, who fronts a band called Bones of Green was once funemployed and enjoying life before he started interning at some office. Yuck!
In a few minutes, I gotta catch up with my photo shoots with some hip girls down the block. One is like a model and the other says she is going to grad school in Brooklyn College. Brooklyn represent! I really hope my bike can take me there. It’s been getting rusty in the past few months and I think I might have been gypped ’cause I had to pay some guy $500 for this fixed-gear bike even though Robby across the hall said he got his for like $300 and his was legitimately retro. Oh wells, at least my loft was a steal in Williamsburg compared to my bike; I only had to pay like $2500 per month instead of $5000 like the girls I am snapping up later. It was a really good deal and I think my fans and parents would be proud! I think I’m going to tweet that later.
Now I gotta run and get ready for that photoshoot with two foxy ladies. Then at night it’s up for another rad party celebrating the grand opening of that vintage typewriter store with free PBR and then a midnight yoga session at the rooftops of an abandoned warehouse. It’s gonna to be totally awesome!