4/11/10

It’s odd that I find it quite difficult to write when I want to write; yet I never bother writing anything down when thoughts come to my mind. Maybe it’s because it’s best to be coherent when putting thoughts and ideas down or it’s because the train of thought derails like an Amtrak train just when I find time to start writing again. Who knows; it’s mostly a mix of the two.

Things on my career are more stable in recent weeks. There is no immediate danger of being redundant or falling through the cracks in corporate America. It’s the end to being remotely managed and an end to working with a client that will one day act as if you’re a valued team member and just as instantly spit you out like used gum when things go sour. It’s really reassuring to see how things are finally becoming less hectic and returning to a sense of normalcy.

I really can’t say the same for Poland. Their President, key ministers and cultural icons all died in a horrible plane crash on the way to Russia. It’s quite shocking to say the least and for a country that is becoming increasingly relevant in the region despite the existence of “Polish jokes”. On another note, the miners in West Virginia are all with God now no thanks to the incompetent company and managers who placed them in danger just to save a few measly dollars.

It’s been almost two months since I broke up and things are less hectic. I no longer have any awkward feeling seeing her new or old pictures being posted around the facebook feeds although I do feel a bit strange when I run into some of her friends from time to time. I think this will eventually go away as time goes on.

The auto show this year was different from 2009. There wasn’t really much that was exciting other than the new KIA Sportage and KIA Optima that will be available at the end of this year. Those two models were really a surprise and overshadowed the release from other automakers. Based on the auto show, I really would like to have either the Hyundai Tuscon or the new KIA Sportage as my new car. I really like my Mazda6, but it’s becoming increasingly impractical and difficult to maintain in this stagnant economy.

I am rereading what I have just written and it seems to be a stream-of-consciousness writing that goes all over the place. I really want to see how long I can keep writing until there is nothing in the back of my mind.

Quebec. Where do I start? The worst parts of me are from that dreadful province. Much of it was repressed in the back of my mind until I ran into an old classmate that opened up a lot of old wounds from those years. Some of it affected me to the point where I became unfocused, depressed and emotionally vulnerable. At the same time, it helped me realise that I have absolutely nothing in Quebec. I have no past, no present and no future in Quebec at all. I have no friends or family there. The acquaintance that unintentionally opened up these old wounds doesn’t even remember me even though we were from the same school and knew the same group of people there. There really is nothing there for me other than memories of neglect, racism, alienation, and pure misery. This is one of the main reasons why I tend to react negatively to Quebec whenever hipsters, transplants or tourists talk as if it’s the greatest place on Earth when in fact it’s basically the Mississippi of Canada.

And that’s it for tonight.

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